What’s going on right now. 

I feel like shit. Why? I don’t know.Do I think it will be fine? Course I do, I’m made of fucking diamond, I’m a fighter. I just feel lonely and insecure. Ugly inside, and out;I feel pretty stupid, dunno why. I just feel so opposite to intelligent, could it be because I’m surrounded by such ‘smart’ people? Probably, even though I know secondary education is all about memory and that they are just good at memorising stuff. Where as I clearly aren’t it feels so shit to be the ‘least responsible and trustworthy in the class’, it’s bullshit.of course that’s the case – well it don’t make me feel better. Either way out of 32 people I’m one of those 8 who still can’t be trusted, not to mention I don’t get half the stuff where we’re learning sometimes. 

I’m genuinely trying, maybe jot trying my best. I’m not going to lie I could put so much more pressure on myself and force feed myself the drive to work. How do I make everything perfectly right but not spend 10 hours on it? It’s effecting my sleep, it’s effecting my happiness. I want to satisfy everyone and be there for everyone. 

I tried to sit down and do some coursework but I can’t make it perfect and it makes me want to give in. I can’t get past one thing without it being perfect, so how can I even start the next. 

I’m currently listening to fucking perfect, because it’s exactly how I feel. 

I don’t really have anything else to say so have a fantastic morning, afternoon, or evening. 


2 thoughts on “What’s going on right now. 

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